I met my husband when I was 24. My daughter was 3 and his son was 2 years old when we became a blended family and we soon had another daughter on the way. I remember looking for other families like ours for parenting advice. I just assumed parenting would get easier as they all became older.
I remember thinking when they were babies, once they are a little older they won’t wake up so much at night. Then the next stage was, once they are a little older we won’t have to buy diapers anymore. Then it was, once they are a little older they will be going to school all day. After that point, time just started flying.
The kids became older and more mature as the days flew by. I remember thinking some day they will date, they will drive, they will have jobs… and now that time is here and I just can’t help feel that time has quickly escaped. It seems like yesterday, I was giving baths and kissing booboos. When play-dough and coloring was the highlight of our day.
Now day after day, I watch my 17 year old daughter pull out of the driveway and wonder why time went so fast. My three kids are GOOD kids. I kind of get irritated when I hear “your LUCKY you have good kids” First off LUCK has nothing to do with it. The time, energy, and love my husband and I have put forth has made my kids who they are today. I did school with them over the summers to prepare them for the upcoming year, and to this day their grades still reflect that. The hours spent practicing, has made them the athletes they are today. Teaching them respect and how to treat people, are what made them the kind of people they are today. I don’t feel LUCK has anything to do with it.
I feel if your overwhelmed with your child at 2 or 3 years old, then what makes you think it will get easier when they are 15/16 years old? Every day is not going to be a perfect day, you just gotta roll with it. I know a lot of people that just don’t want to be bothered parenting and are honestly very selfish when it comes to parenting. I will be the first to admit I am by no means a perfect Mom, but I have always put my children first. That’s just what you do as a parent, you sacrifice for them. Even when I’m having a high pain day, they come first.
I do not spoiling my children, but they do have everything they need and a lot of their wants. I know a lot of parents do buy material things as a way of showing their love. Buying something may bring temporary happiness to your child, but what they will remember the most, is you actually being there for them and creating the many lasting memories.
I have been a young single mom, a married mom, a full time step-mom (he lives with us..long story), and now a chronic pain mom. Being a blended family has been very difficult at times. I have seen my two oldest kids get hurt so much by their other “parent”. The empty promises they fed them and then they turn around and buy them something, as if it’s supposed to take away their hurt. I call this Guilty Parent Syndrome….and my oldest daughters “Dad” and my step-sons “Mom” do this. They have been in and out of theirs lives since they were little. Leaving my husband and I picking up the pieces and trying to get our kids back on track after continuous let downs.
Now that they are older (17 and almost 16 years old) they know not to put too much trust into what their other “parent” tells them (how sad is that?!?!). They don’t remember what they bought them, but they do remember who has been there to teach them how to ride a bike, tie their shoes, help them with homework, how to drive, and guided them along they way.
One of hardest things in the world is listening and watching your children cry because of something their “parent” said or did to them. Now that my kids are older these so called “parents” want be part of their lives. My kids are respectful and do love them, but they remember everything. Every hurt and every broken promise. My kids are very involved with sports, extra curricular school activities, and have part time jobs..so now they are the ones telling their other “parents” they are busy, and I can’t today.
Instead of parenting becoming easier, I think it just becomes different. There is a lot more to worry about when they are off in this big world. I think the stages of their lives prepare you for what comes next in parenting, that’s why they start out little with little problems. The teen years can be a bumpy ride, but when you put in the effort to all the stages before, it makes the transition that much easier.
So some parenting advice for today is:
- Stop wishing time away while your kids are little.
- Enjoy the stages because they go through them so fast!
- Be there for even the little things.
- Let your kids know your by their side every step of the way regardless what the other “parent” does.
- Don’t use material things to replace the time you did not spend with your kids.
- Remember no parent is perfect, we will all make mistakes.
- Try to keep your promises.
- Most important…Love, love, love them. 🙂
If you’re a parent in pain, parenting can be hard work, but it is possible. See tips on how to Parent Through Our Pain.
I would love to hear what you’ve learned or are learning along the way when it comes to parenting. I would also love to hear if you are a blended family or a parent in pain. Please comment in the section below. Have a great day and keep smiling 🙂