Endless Tunnel | Losing Friendships Because of Chronic Pain
Endless Tunnel – It’s early morning and I can’t sleep… So my mind starts to wonder. What about now, you ask? Well, I keep thinking about how I might have lost out on things with friends this past summer. They ask “Wanna go fishing?” or say “We should go camping..?” I tell them I’m not feeling well or my back is giving me problems..So they go without me of course. I’m not mad or upset about that one bit.
Here is what bothers me, I used to be the kind of guy that could sit in a boat for hours at a time fishing, laughing, and hell even drinking beer with my buddies.. Not these days. I’m not able to sit in a boat or even on the bank for that long. If we were to go camping, I would need to take all kinds of blankets (because I get cold in 80 degree weather) pillows for my neck and legs.. So, it’s just easier for me to stay at home.
Have I lost those friendship because I have put them off so many times?? YES, eventually most people will get tired of asking and move on. They know I’m hurt and suffer from RSD, yet I don’t think they know that the littlest of things can send me into a flare up. Now I know we all have to continue to live our lives and just keep on truckin. It just scares me to even think that I could have these issues out and away from my home, away from my comfort zone…I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t know what to do, other than say “Just take your meds, it will pass”.
So, back to the whole losing friends part, the part that hurts..I am writing this from true life experiences, just like I do in all my pieces. I have lost a few friends over this whole chronic pain B.S.. One of the guys I grew up with pretty much my whole life, doesn’t call or come around much anymore. Why?? I can’t really put my finger on it, however I’m guessing because he got tired of me “giving excuses” of why I can’t do these things.
I do realize others have their own families and battles to deal with, they even have their own demons to fight. I’m still new to this whole RSD/CRPS thing…I’m still figuring out this endless tunnel of what I can and can’t do, while trying to live my life..So please bare with me and have patience.
Y’all have a good day.