5 Things I Want You To Know When You’re Judging My Chronic Illness
5 Things I Want You To Know When You’re Judging My Chronic Illness – My chronic illnesses can make me feel like a caged animal on display. Once the news is out, people are watching me. Some out of concern, some out of curiosity. Some out of a variety of negative seeming emotions that I can’t quite wrap my mind around. I can still tell they’re negative, though. People with chronic illnesses have extra keen senses. Get to know our community and you will see.
Some people don’t give a rat’s tiny rear about me, and wouldn’t, even if I wasn’t sick. Yet somehow these people are still in my life. These people watching me, the good ones and the less than good ones, put extra pressure on me.
What am I to do? There are times this may be my imagination and maybe no one is really watching me. Even if they are, what are they looking for? Are they waiting for my pain to become visible? Are they waiting for my symptoms they can see to come? If so, are they going to help me or mock me? Kick me while I’m down? This has happened, quite literally. I’m always hoping someone will help, but I’d rather be ignored than mocked.
The thing is, I know, I just know, that the watching isn’t my imagination. I don’t know their intentions though. I wish mind reading came with those extra keen senses. It just doesn’t, so I’m often left wondering, and sometimes hurt.
There’s a handful of people who I know will never hurt me, no matter what. To the rest of you I’d like to tell you a few things.
- I’m real. I will never fake anything about my illnesses, or anything else for that matter. I’ve always been a big fan of telling it like I see it. If you think I’m faking my illnesses, don’t. I’m not trying to get out of anything. I want in. I want more than anything to be healthy again. I miss it. I want your slice of ‘normal’ life.
- It’s been just over three years since I’ve had a pain-free day. Let that sink in. Think about how long that is. Think about your pain that comes, and then leaves. Mine doesn’t go. Ever. Yes, it can be that bad. Those of you who are watching me out of love and concern, thanks. You mean more to me than I could ever express. To the doubters, please stop. Don’t judge a pain you haven’t experienced.
- You get what you put out in the universe. Do you want the doubts you cast on me put back on you? Stop doubting me. If you can’t help me, please be quiet. I hear your quiet whispers and see the sideways smirks.
- Please don’t rush me. I don’t operate at the same pace as you. I feel that I’m being rushed when I’m being watched. Even my inner circle can forget that I’m fueled differently.
- Most importantly, don’t forget that I don’t hate anyone, even my doubters. I don’t have enough time on earth to hold hate in my heart. I wouldn’t if I had a thousand more years.
About the Author:
Ellie is a 45-year-old woman living in South Carolina. She works as a cashier, but is always dreaming of more, she’s just not sure of what more is. Her favorite hobbies are reading, writing and yarn crafts. Her biggest hope in blogging is to help no one ever feel alone in their journeys with chronic illness, or anything else.
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